First time

Do you remember our first time? It’s such a stupid question and I wonder why I never asked you. Why did you even take me to your house? Do you remember what show we pretended to watch? It must all be classed under the “it doesn’t matter section”, but I keep wondering. You go out and you spend time with friends…do you miss me at all? Do you ever think about me? Have I already been replaced? Or was I just never there for you at all? I can’t even talk to people because I know if I open my mouth or if anyone makes eye contact all I’ll feel is pain. It happened yesterday to someone else; a classmate just snapped in the middle of her response to a question and started crying uncontrollably. Such earth-shattering sobs from someone whose had every dream in her life granted, except one. Every part of my being rejects that because I don’t want to be comforted. She didn’t deserve to be left, but I do.

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