Wanted: “Awesome” Housemate

In the current economy, particularly in Puerto Rico (the United States’ abandoned yard), anyone between the age of 18-30 needs to either live at home or share an apartment. There are, of course, the blessed few who found awesome jobs right out college or their graduate degree and bought a new car and are now looking at houses with their SO, but for the vast majority of us that is a dream as attainable as winning the Triple Crown with a pony (yes, I am hip and up-to-date on current events, even sporting events). Now, in this world of being a broke young professional pursuing a graduate degree that we hope is slightly more useful than our BA, it is a savage hunt for the perfect housemate. Taking into consideration that you will be sharing living space with this person for a minimum of one-year, if you are not a total flake and move out after three months because you can’t make rent or stand the other person, things can get pretty desperate. I have been living on my own since I was 21. You might think this is old but I’m Latin American and in this part of the world people don’t move out until they get married (my brothers are still living at home because they lack my “rebellious and independent” attitude). Anyway, I had previously moved away for my freshmen year of college but that was around the same time when the housing market collapsed and everyone making less then six digits loss their job (and quite a few making more than that too). So I transferred to the state public university and moved back in with my parents (which totally sucked because, after losing his job, my stepdad was regulated to the couch). Really, my bad roommate streak started back in this first year of college when I met my roommate: blonde, white, Christian, adopted, and a cheerleader. Contrast to me: brown, brown, agnostic (most days), born ten days late through C-section (I must have suspected my life was gonna suck for a while), and a cynic. Anyway, a year or two after I moved back home I fell in love with the wrong guy (who I still happen to be with, honestly very little idea on why or how other than he puts up with me but that’s a topic for another post) and decided to move out of my mother’s home so I could have sex whenever I wanted. Of course, this only slightly worked out for me since all I could afford was to share a bedroom with a virgin. No offence to virgins, but you make women with an active and healthy sex life feel weird. Anyway, it’s been a couple of years since then and the streak painfully awkward living situations only broke recently. Last summer I moved in with two girls who are the same age as me, are as nerdy as me but still like to party, have loud sex on a regular basis, and clean up after themselves. Also, they read and watch supernatural TV series like me. Really, it’s ideal. Sadly, it couldn’t last and now I am out on the hunt again. So, now that you know a little about me here is the ad… I am looking for a housemate to share a two-bedroom apartment with A/C and laundry facilities in San Juan, Puerto Rico within walking distance of a train station and in a good neighbourhood. If you know someone searching for a housemate then they can contact me through here. The other qualifications are as follows: clean-freak, neat-freak, bookworm, 24 or older, owns a vagina (because boys are just eewww), cat-friendly, works or studies (graduate school, please), and only dates and/or sleeps with members of the population that are actively trying to become responsible adults. Now, I have been housemate searching for about a month and haven’t found anything. There was one good possibility but the girl does not want a housemate (she went through a recent break up and is a total control freak/psycho so can’t share space). I am still searching because I need to live somewhere and don’t want to have share space with people I can’t even speak to because we are so different that any attempt at conversation is painfully awkward. I hate awkward and I love to talk after a long day of work and studying. However, nothing has turned up! Is it really that hard? Or is it time I move out of the “college” scene and closer to the financial district, where “young professionals” live? I mean, I still study full-time and only work as an assistant part-time. But I have a narrowing amount of things in common with those that inhabit the neighbourhood immediately adjacent to the university. Right now is “moving” season, in which student’s one-year contract is up and they begin searching for another apartment or renovate their lease and all the options are either run-down one-bedroom apartments that make me cringe or large apartments with three or bedrooms shared with first year or second year undergrads whose parents pay for everything. I am a graduate student and work to live (as I like to say), so there is always a kind of disconnected between my life and theirs. I have traded in beer and shots of chichaito (local drink) for wine and whiskey and I cook dinner most nights of the week or eat at pricey restaurants. I watch film festival movies are overpriced theatres and spend weekends working on my writing because I am edging dangerously close to being 30 with no career. Therefore, I would like to live with someone that is currently in the same place in their lives, but sadly responsible and ambitious people my age leave the island as soon as they have their diploma. I see it all the time on Facebook: one picture of a diploma and the other of an acceptance letter to a graduate program in the US or a job offer in the US. So, there is really a very limited population of graduate students who work and live on their own looking for a housemate. Thus, I have gotten to the point that I am desperate enough to post this ad in a forum where no one will see it because I really don’t want to live with a psycho. In sum…Wanted: “Awesome” Housemate. Where are you?

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